Mirror, Mirror …

Dear Readers,

I always admire watching my daughters dress. They spend hours ensuring that every strand of hair is intact and their make-up and clothing are flawless. Inevitably there is a fight for the mirror to ensure everything is perfect and to get that final validation, before greeting the world. I often wonder what would happen if the mirror suddenly disappeared

Looking in the mirror seems to be a seamless task, but it is difficult for some people to make that gaze on a regular basis. The mirror magnifies all of the flaws that are present; a mirror cannot lie, as it reflects exactly what is there. Some of us look into the mirror and admire what we see, setting out to correct anything that seems out of place. Others of us look in the mirror and are only able to see perfection; we see nothing out of place and we believe what we see.

Introspection is the ability to look deep into the soul and critically determine which traits enhance our lives and which traits we need to improve, in order to make our lives more valuable. Often, when we find it difficult to objectively reflect, it may be due to some past trauma, or some inflated ego; either way, the perception is unhealthy.

While we all want to be seen as perfect in all areas of our lives, it is progressive when we are able to identify and work on our limitations. Living in denial will not lead to health growth and development; instead, it keeps us arrested in some unrealistic sphere of idealism and prevents us from realism (factualism). It is great when we are able to develop the skills to constructively exam self.

This is not to negate the seriousness of having a great self-esteem; but rather encourages us to wipe away those unredeemable qualities that are obvious to the world but have become invisible to us. Mirror, mirror on the wall…….

A few years ago, I penned a verse for a gentleman who was experiencing a difficult time retaining people in his employ. He was always gracious during the interview process, but would somehow lose that charm, as soon as they became active members of his team. Yet, if you asked him questions about his direct reports or listen to him speak, everything was always well. On the other hand, the employees felt mistreated, micro managed, stressed out and frustrated. Here was an individual who was unable to look at truth; he lived in a bad way. Here is the verse:

If one man says it, it is your word against his
If a second man says it, whose word is?
If a third man says it, it’s time to be true.
The person, who’s denying, is probably you!
A word to the wise ...

~ Dr. Pam

 POINT TO PONDER: Denial will keep you deceived.

• Askdoctorpam is a column that appears in this journal every week. Your letters and comments are encouraged. You may email your letters or comments to Askdoctorpam@yahoo.com. Dr. Pam is a Clinical Psychologist trained in all areas of mental health.

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