Dear Dr. Pam,
I am an 18-year-old female, who recently graduated from high school with an “A” average. My parents have been encouraging me to apply to colleges, but I have been procrastinating. My boyfriend, of one year, persuaded me to apply to the college where he has been accepted. I am in the process of completing this application, but there is one big problem. My parents are upset because I informed them that we (my boyfriend and I), will be living together. I don’t see the big deal and think they are overreacting. These are not the old days and we do things differently today. Would you please set them straight?
Off course, I will set your parents straight, and here it goes. Parents, thank you so much for caring enough for “Liberated,” to ensure she makes careful, smart, informed choices. Thank you, parents, for wanting to steer her in the right direction and reminding her that she has an entire life ahead of her, so slow down and live. Thank you, parents, for your tenacity, courage and your ability to stand strong, even when it is unpopular to do so.
There, I have told off your parents. Now to you, young lady, you may have an “A” average in academics, but you are heading for a “D” average in morality. Wise up. Listen to your parents!
Dear Dr. Pam,
Thirty-five years ago, I met the man of my dreams. We dated off and on for 16 years and then drifted apart. We were great for each other, but he was unstable, always chasing an elusive dream. Recently, we reacquainted. We are both divorced and seem available for each other. My only (and greatest) concern is he has not yet discovered that dream. He seldom calls me and constantly promises to get together, as soon as he makes, ‘this last deal.’
I know he is for me, but he is not emotionally available to me, as he is very preoccupied with that dream. What do you advise?
Kenny Rogers said it best, “Don’t fall in love with a dreamer, ‘cause he’ll always take you in. Just when you think you’ve really changed him, he’ll leave you again ...” Thirty-five years later, if he has not settled, he probably never will.
POINT TO PONDER: Many times, the answer is right in front of you.
• Askdoctorpam is a column that appears in this journal every week. Your letters and comments are encouraged. You may email your letters or comments to Askdoctorpam, or write to Askdoctorpam P.O. Box F43736. Dr. Pam is a Clinical Psychologist trained in all areas of mental health.